"We're pulling apart and coming together again and again. We're growing apart but we pull it together. Pull it together, together again."
Once Upon A Time....
It's beautiful how everything starts with a conversation and suddenly outta nowhere, they became someone you never thought you can't be without. The conversation grows and so is the friendship. From that day you realized that life is just much more easier and happier. You knew that it was never gonna last but you didn't care. Why? It made you happy. They made you feel so comfortable and it felt like anything could happen. That process was so beautiful but as usual life never lets you enjoy so much. Life envies you. It envies you for being happy with your life. It came slowly, step by step and find every loophole to your everyday routines and conversations.
Just when you thought that nothing could go wrong, life grins behind you and said "Wait for it". Bam! You felt attached to them. You seemed so weak cause you can't let them go. You can't go a day without talking to them. It made you feel uncomfortable. From a normal happy routine, it became a need. A need to talk to them. You start to count every hour that they're gone. You keep waiting and waiting for them to find you. Soon, you realized you fell in love with your friendship. You fell. But not wanting to admit, you kept that denial in your head that you're not in love cause you don't want to end up hurting. You just care for them. Not. In love. That feeling in your heart became unexplainable and so messed up.
The conversation goes on. The friendship is still there going strong as ever. Suddenly, everything they do meant something to you. The things that made you angry spoils every bits of your mood. Every little thing that they do offends you. The jealousy or so called reflex. The need of their attention suddenly becomes your priority. But learning from mistakes, you try to control. Control that annoying feeling inside of you. Then it seemed impossible. It got worse with them. You kept asking yourself why do you care so much? That sad, angry and mixed up emotions inside of you affects them and caused them to change. They change drastically and you don't know what to do or how to fix everything that is your fault.
Life just laughed evilly as it watched you collapsed and crying for help. You were begging and picking up all the broken pieces till your hands bleed. You didn't care how hurtful it was, you just want it to get back to the way it was. You realized the denial you put in your head for so long suddenly became crystal clear. You were in love. You didn't want anyone to have him but yourself. You loved him. He grows in you day by day throughout the conversations. The days he came over to talk to you. The days where he smiles at you even though it's unwillingly. It was too late then. Everything was too late. No matter how you try to fix it, it just falls back to the way it was broken before.
You try to get up day by day. You try to put on a huge smile everyday in your life. You look at him from a distance, wanting to say so much but just decided to let it stay in your mind. It's because everything that has been happening and growing in your heart should be kept in your mind forever. No leaking. When he seems like he doesn't care or rather spend time not talking to you, all you can do is watch. You just watched as it fall. Helplessly, watching everything between you and him fades. The worst part is there's nothing you can do about it. You're in pain but he is happy.
Other than watching your life falling apart, you're so together but so broken up inside. As long as he is happy, nothing matters to you. You put the pain aside for his happiness. You ignore everything so that he'll be happy and not affected by your pathetic moods. You have to let him go for his own happiness even the cause of it is no longer from you. You just sat there like a fool. There's nothing you can do. You're just hopelessly devoted to him.
There goes another life trick on you.
The End.
