"I can be tough, I can be strong. But with you it's not like that at all. There's a girl that gives a shit. Behind these walls, you just walked through it. And I remember all those crazy things you said. You left them running through my head. You're always there. You're everywhere. But right now I wish you were here."
I have been pretty immature lately. When I was so busy focusing on my pain, I never thought of things the way I'm thinking of it now. I realized, he is the biggest slap of my life. I can survive 10 days without him so I can survive the rest of the year without him. I'll be lying if I say I don't miss him. But then, life keeps moving whether you want it or not. I can't be living in the past and stuck there forever.
I know he has his own reasons of the way he's been acting lately. I did nothing but to make it worse. But it's not entirely my fault cause he made me assumed. God knows what happens when I start to assume. Well, I have some of my theories that I've been trying to figure out when he's on this so called change phase of his. First, he just wanna avoid everything. Second, something happened to one of his important person. Third, he fell for someone I know and decided to just call it off on our routine and focus on that special girl of his.
Well, don't get mad. Those are just theories. I didn't say it was true. It's just pointless now. Everything is. I'm here to tell you that, I can never stay mad at you. I know that I don't know what's happening to you now but I want you to know that I'm always here. I told you before, I don't walk away from people. When you finally think it's time for you to tell me, just text me.
It's okay if you don't care, it's okay if you hate me and it's okay if you found someone who makes you happier more than I did. Yeah, I might cry and act up a little but you know, I'm just a girl. I have a very soft heart. I'm not like others. Different. I'm a bit more pain in the neck to handle. It's okay. It's okay that I'm hurting inside to see you smile even if it's not for me. I'll just turn a deaf ear and smile it off.
I guess it's the end. This is how far our forever goes. I'll be fine I guess? As much as I want to go back to those days where everything was so easy when it's with you, I can't. It's time to let go. It's time to let this go. It's time to let my thoughts of you go. It's time to open my mind and let you go. It's time to tell my heart to let you go.
I guess everything's going to be fine sooner or later? Maybe I'll be strong enough to face you then. I'll miss you. Goodbye, H.
(might be the last post in my Content Of Loneliness blog)
