"Aren't you somethin' to admire? Cause your shine is somethin' like a mirror and I can't help but notice, you reflect in this heart of mine. Aren't you something, an original. Cause it doesn't seem merely assembled and I can't help but stare, cause I see truth somewhere in your eyes"I am here to personally share to you about all my failures that changed me to who I am today. Not to bring myself down or brag about it. Honestly, it isn't easy to gain back that confidence. To set in your mind that you want to try again after you failed in so many things. It's not easy. It's painful, it drops you down. You feel so much hatred in yourself that you feel like you're useless, worthless. The worst part of being that person is that you are so emotionally crushed that it affects the people around you. The people that you love, the people that you really care. Just by watching them slowly walking away from you, watching how the everyday conversations fades and there's just nothing you can do.
So here is how it started. It all started by I failed my ABRSM Grade 5 piano exam. I was crushed. Just a few more marks and I'll earn that certificate. I was heartbroken. I cried in the car when I told my mom. She said it's okay. Then, my ABRSM Grade 6 theory piano exam results came out. I got the lowest marks among all. The teacher was disappointed and of course so am I. My mom comforted me by saying I could jump grades. She put so much expectations on me. So in 2012, I took my exams and I failed again. What's more painful is the marks that I got are the same marks as the previous one.
At that time I was going thru my form 6. That school didn't gave me much pressure but yeah it affected me a lot. In the same year, I also failed my driver's licence. I didn't go thru those failures easily. The same year on October, I broke up with my 6 months boyfriend, Jason. Hoho it wasn't easy. It never was. So the year gone by and here comes 2013. This year, 21st February, my great grandmother passed away. I might not be so close to her but she meant the world to me. It's so touching how she remembers me even we don't really see each other that often. It was another heartbreak for me. Later on, the phone that I had broke down and apparently died. It was important to me cause that was my only connection with my best friends and him and I was stressed.
When things couldn't got any better, I have problems with my so called crush. We got into a huge fight. After he left such a huge impact on my birthday this year, I thought he was the one. Then he started acting up and turned out to be like everyone else. I was depressed. Next, my 1st semester exam results came out and I failed one subject that brought me down so bad. It felt worse when you hear the people so close to you did so well in their exams. I was broken. I collapsed totally.
I tried to get up. People can see how negative I was. How my attitude was towards my life. I was like a bad hurricane that never seem to go away. Then, I argued with my mom and at the same day my MUET results came out and I only got Band 3. It wasn't enough for me cause I knew I could do better than that. I was hopeless. You don't how negative I was. I got into fights with someone who is important to me. Everything was just so wrong. It was so wrong that I decided to suicide. My brain was not working at all. I didn't even wanna hear or talk to anyone. All I did was cry. I cried silently.
When it all seemed so dark and it feels like the end, I have friends that brought me up. My friends to slap me to wake me up. Maybe my failures is not as worse as other people but the main point here is do not let the negative sides controls you. Don't let them dominate your mind. Cry all you want, rage all the angers you want then get up. Get the hell up and move on. It's not easy cause there'll always be something to bring you right back down. I know. I was the most negative person ever. Open your mind, absorb all the positive energy and have confidence. No matter in studies or in relationships. Believe and smile. No matter how sad or mad you are, SMILE.
Maybe this isn't helpful enough cause I'm rushing now. LOL but I hope for the people who are failing out there and you feel like there's not a slightest light in your world, DO NOT GIVE UP. Find the light. Do everything that you can to make sure you shine. Make sure you are happy of yourself. In the end, you know how worthy it was to suffer and shine so bright in your way. Don't stop believing. :)
