"Whatever makes you happy. Whatever you want. You're so very special. I wish I was special. But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here..."The world. The scariest, happiest, saddest place. Well maybe I haven't go all around the world and I don't know how other people lives. Again, I don't care. When I'm alone and start to have all of my thoughts for my own, I have all these weird feelings running thru my veins. In school especially. These weird vibes that I can feel in my veins. I don't know whether it's a sign of hatred, jealousy or just plain stupidity. Yeah I don't know whats getting in to me. I told everyone that I do not like anyone after ... yeah him. But then again I moved on. Just because I realized that he just doesn't care. Telling me that I'm playing games. I haven't even started it. Then again people will never stop judging your decisions. Haha saying that I used him. Bitch please. I liked you. I really did. You think I would've gone so much trouble to see you? Still wanna blame on me. Still insisting that "I am blur" phrase. Even someone stupid like me can sense your typical moods. Okay. Where has this got into?
Anyways. I don't feel anything now. I don't feel happy. I don't feel sad. I don't feel angry or mad. I feel nothing. Maybe cause I'm tired of feeling things. Cause everyone knows it will just end to a big heartache. Yeah nobody wants that. How I wish I could just stop feeling things. Any feeling. Just plain for one day. See what happens. Somehow when I look around in school and see the people there, I think by myself. Wow, I can never fit in this group. This group of people. Someone like me just never belong there. No matter how attached you are to someone in that group, back to the base, I'll always be alone. I'll always be the creep. The weirdo. I can't deny the heartache, the pain and the isolation I feel. Just because I'm different. People treat me differently, talk differently and never truthful to me. Sometimes I'm just so used to this, I feel so dull. Maybe that's why I chose to be alone and get lost in my own thoughts. It's frustrating to be surrounded with these kinda people.
I have to admit, I do feel lonely no matter where I go. Yes I can make friends, no problem. I have friends. But then it will all come back to the ground that I'm just me. I wanna cry sometimes. I feel so bad and isolated. The friends I have. Never truthful. So so fake. How am I supposed to find where I belong? Or is it there's just something wrong with me? I miss the happy me. I miss the hyperactive me. I miss me so much. I miss being me. I don't wanna lose myself just because I'm surrounded with all these cheap actors. I'm just really exhausted. Especially waking up to school, surviving. Sigh. What is wrong with me? Why am I getting attached to people like this? The ones that I know that will leave somehow. Why can't I control? What did I do to deserve all this? I can't help feeling so much hatred in me. Why? Sigh. I need to stop falling, feeling. When will I ever learn that it's enough to hurt myself. Ugh.
