Hopeless.

My only place to throw out all the blames, all the angers, all the hatred and everything that's bothering my damn heart. My blog. Sometimes I really feel like blaming the whole world. Even I know it won't help, at all. I just wanna blame. Blame for whatever that made me useless now. Whatever that made me so emotionally disturbed and fucked up. But what's the point? Who else to blame? Myself. No one but myself. It's always been me that's keeping myself from doing everything. It's because I'm too weak. It's because I don't have the guts to do all the stuffs that I can do.

Argh. Sometimes I just wanna have someone to lean on. I know friends will always be there. I want that affection that nobody can give except that one special person. Sigh. Some of my relationships could really work. But because I'm a malay I can't date chinese. And because I'm different, I can't find someone who is the same race and accept me the way I am. Yeah, they said time. They said, it's not important now. I know it's not. I push these kinda thoughts away from me all the time. But sometimes you just lose it you know? Sometimes when you see happy couples everywhere, you wish you were in their position. To actually have someone to hold on to.

I miss that feeling. I miss having someone to be with you and share that same amount of feelings and emotions. I'm just so lost. Messed up. Always on the wrong path or the wrong direction. Always a step back slower than the others. I can't rely on my friends to keep cheering me up. One day, they'll find their perfect ones and I can't expect them to be there when I'm messed up with my depressed emotions. Sigh. Craps. All craps. I can't like anyone. I just don't wanna feel. Don't wanna see. Don't wanna think. I just want everything to be quiet. Silence. Easy. Peace. Sigh :'(