Future?

It's so annoying how I see everyone is so sure of they want in the future. Seeing them working their asses off to work their dreams out. I'm just here, sitting and blurring around like an idiot not knowing what to do with myself. I don't even know what I wanna do. I see everyone having a future in front of them. Chasing after what they want. What do I want? Sometimes being stupid is really making me feel like a total idiot.

People keep calling me stupid. I mean once in a while sure I can take it as a joke but it hurts to know that I am really that stupid. I'm gonna turn 19 and I don't even know what I'm gonna do to support my family. I feel like I'm wasting my time everyday. Not knowing what I'm doing or what I'm preparing for. I feel so helpless. I feel useless. Really really useless.

I don't see anything in my future. I don't even know what I'm good at. I've been having sleepless nights since last week. I don't know why. I have so many things to worry about but I don't know what I'm worry about. That worried feeling is always there. And my mind just can't shut the hell up. I can't figure out what I want. He said focus. I tried.

What am I supposed to focus at? Studies and piano is a must. How about myself? Future? It's just so messed up. Everything is. Arghhhh!