"She was given the world so much that she couldn't see. And she needed someone to show her, who she could be and she tried to survive. Wearing her heart on her sleeve but I needed you to believe. You had your dreams, I had mine. You had your fears, I was fine. You showed me what I couldn't find, when two different worlds collide."
Sometimes I wonder why do my relationships fail. Well, mostly because of who I am. Cause I'm a malay and the problem with me is I don't dig malay guys cause they're just ..... yeah not my type. Unless I found someone who is exactly like me then it would be easier. So far I've only found one which is Luke but he's gay. Lol I use him as my boyfriend sometimes to chase other morons away. The thing is maybe just maybe if nobody judge anyone by religion, life would be much more easier.
Well, at least my life would be much much more easier. I don't always get what I want is mostly because of who I am and the way I was brought is not like how the people in my religion were brought up. See mom. Why can't you be a little bit less complicated and fall for someone your own kind? =.= I have to suffer being different. Being stared strangely by everyone else. Cause I'm just That different. Sometimes being different is awesome but when it comes to certain things, how much I wish I was as normal as everyone else.
I don't wanna be just that girl. Being judged by my religion. And their rules. Nobody in my life that I liked has ever accepted me in that way. There's always that limit between us and sadly it always will be. Or maybe I've been falling for the wrong guy which I highly doubt that. To think back if I was another half of my blood maybe my relationships would be easier. Well, I don't think it'll work out but at least the problems I have will be less complicated.
I had to hold back my feelings and think about everything that's gonna happen and the people I will effect just because my heart wants that guy. Sometimes I have to cut away my feelings so that the one I like won't get in trouble. Mostly cause of parents. Even the previous ones I've dated, parents were always the one separating us and I've grown really tired of it. So tired that I just gave up everything. But I don't know about this one. Trust me, I tried cutting my feelings for him since like I don't know.
The point is I tried so many times but the feelings just won't go away. No matter how much it hurts me I rather not be selfish and seeing him getting hurt. So I chose not to think of it. I just want a simple mind and life where there's just me and you but I was given no choice because of who I am and as hard as it is I have to accept the fact that I can't have him and never will. It's never gonna be easy with me and it never was and never will be.
That's the one ugly truth that I have to accept whether I want it or not.
