Who Said It's Gonna Be Easy?

Here it is. 28th January. I'm finally 19. It's nothing special. Except that I'm aging and closer to death every second. No way I'm waiting for any miracle to happen. The one I expected to be with me on my most important day is not here. I can't sleep. Shits. When I finally thought that I'm special, it just comes and make me feel like nothing again. Ouh I wanna be understanding. I want to. But I can't seem to find any space in my mind or heart to feel that way now.

Everything is just in my head. If I was that important, he would be the one wishing me good night. Making me feel special on my special day at least. But no. Haihh. I'm just so heartbroken. Heartbroken on birthday. Cool right? Well, Jason wished me though. 2 of my bestfriends did too. And all my other schoolmates and friends. Is it that I'm not trying enough or is it I'm just that naive? Probably there's just something wrong with me and my heart. Simply shooting love arrows at people and got shoot back right in the heart like bullets.

Good job you pathetic nutcase attention whore bitch. You just go around selling your heart and who's the one crying? Myself. No matter how many times you sell or how much offer you give, when he doesn't want it then he Doesn't want it. Why are you so stupid? Why is that so easy for him to make you so damn blind? What is wrong with myself? :'( Maybe I'm just crapping here to forget what I'm feeling now. I wanna forget how heartbroken I am tonight. Just because It's My Birthday. I'm giving face to myself.

No tears should be shed. No sad faces. No frowns. No thinking too much. Pride is pride. I gotta put my head held high even my heart doesn't want to. But this is how it's gonna be. Even I feel like throwing everything that I see, I'm just keeping everything cool. 

Anyways, Happy 19th Birthday to me :) May I have a  blasted year. May I have fame, fortune and love. May I have happiness, joy and fun. May my so called perfect guy comes faster before I kick his ass. May everything goes better. May I be smarter and forever cute. Last but not least, stronger and awesome than everyday before today. :) I love you Iman Farahin. You are my own inspiration. :* You don't need a man or anyone else tell you that You are Amazing just the way You are. Happy Birthday! :)